Diaries of the Planet Express Crew
by Stoofus
Summary: The lifes of the Planet Express Crew, so far there's The Diary of Dr Zoidberg, the stories are on the same day so they go together.
1. Diary of Dr John Zoidberg

Disclaimer: I do not own Futurama so DO NOT SUE!

PS I don't have money so there's no point! (I'll give you cupcakes if you don't sue)

The Diary of Dr. Zoidberg

Dear diary,  
this morning I woke up with a squid on my face. It tasted nice except it squirted me in the face so I squirted it back. I went out to the dumpster to find my 2nd breakfast, a brain slug, what a feast!

Then I slipped on some mutated pickled eggs and got a mouthful of dirt so I started to cough up pearls. I sold them on the street and earned $2000000, which I paid Fry for a sandwich. That is next week's lunch and I kept it safe in a barrel of nuclear waste.

Fry, Leela, and Bender returned from Urectum (Uranus got renamed in 2020 Urectum). Leela was missing a leg so I had to give her a leg transplant of her old leg, which she managed to snatch from the evil bum master.

The robhut lost his memory and Fry was on fire but the robhut wasn't a problem because his memory was backed up on a hard drive.

After extinguishing fry and gluing on Leela's leg, we had to deliver a package of petrol to the gas planet. Something was weird about petrol and gas that I couldn't lay my claw on. Maybe it was the petrol I soaked my shell in.

Anyway, when we got back we were covered with ashes. It was about lunchtime then so I went to find my sandwich (it was for next weeks lunch but Meh whataya gunna do? I found it in the nuclear waste.

It tasted weird and after that the professor had to shrink me a few times after that and take off my other head. I received a letter from my old Uncle Zoid saying he was dead and I was invited, along with my family, to pay our respects and eat his remains.

They tasted a bit stringy but okay. We split up his massive fortune between the 20 of us who were there. I got $20, what and honour! I gave it to Amy for her leftover bag of potato chips. She said that they were toenail clippings; but- a feast is a feast!

Leela asked me to take Nibbler on a walk. He stopped at the ham cart and started to gobble them up. I tasted one too then ran away back to the Planet Express building where Professor Farnsworth was trying to catch Hazuzu's (His pet gargoyle) droppings.

Hazuzu smelt the ham on me and swallowed me. Fry, Leela, Bender, The Professor and Amy had to shrink themselves to half their size and go in after me. I had a bit of goo on me when they got me out but apart from that it was a pretty normal day.

Signed,

Dr. John Zoidberg, PhD, which I lost in a volcano on Tweenis 12.

Free cupcakes to anyone who reviews!


	2. Diary of Phillip J Fry

Disclaimer: I do not own Futurama I am broke the only thing I own is my sacred irregular Oreos (I don't own Oreos so don't sue about them either).

Diary of Phillip J Fry

My day started when Bender smashed a beer bottle, held it to my neck and asked; "Where's my sombrero!" I told him it was mine, not his.

Anyway when I got to work, I had a band-aid on my neck and it hurt a little. My breakfast was a pickle sandwich which I gave to Zoidberg for $2000000.

We had to go on a delivery of fluffy toilet seats to Urectum. We were captured by the Evil Bum Master and managed to escape, but the door closed on Leela's leg and chopped it off.

The Evil Bum Master used it as a paperclip but his papers got all bloody.

Bender was so grossed out but his memory card exploded and set me on fire but the Professor had a backup disc at the office.

Leela managed to get back her leg which Zoidberg blu-tacked back on and put me out.

I accidentally let go of the $2000000 note and it flew onto a power line. Damn!

I've learnt my lesson about messing with power lines.

We had to deliver a package of petrol to Oxide 4, the gas planet.

We blew it up, destroyed the entire civilisation and went back to earth covered in ashes. There was something strange about Zoidberg at lunchtime, I was seeing double. Four heads!

Anyway, Nibbler told me that I had to fight the brain spawn otherwise his home planet, Eternium, would be destroyed, but hey, can't win em all.

The people of Osiris 4 came and tried to kill bender, but we heaped a few bananas on him and they thought he was a bowl and I think they tripped over and got internal brain damage.

Zoidbergs great uncle Zoid died and he got 20 bucks.

Bender shoved my head into the teleporter and I went back to the cryogenic lab.

It turned out my mum was frozen to but for another 30 years I tripped and fell on the control and made it another 200 years. Then the guys kicked me out for stealing their Seymour Asses' pizza. Anyway, it was a pretty normal day.

From Phillip J Fry


	3. Diary of Amy Wong

Disclaimer: I don't own Futurama so do not sue as I wrote in my previous story; all I own is my sacred irregular Oreos. Except Now I traded them for my barrel of tangled Christmas lights. Whatever just don't sue. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase!

Diary of Amy Wong

I woke up at Mars in my parent's house with Betsy licking my face.

I got up and picked up my precious ambergris perfume and slipped on a banana peel that got under my foot somehow and the ambergris smashed and my butler told me told me off for swearing in Chinese.

I didn't know he knew Chinese!

But then he told me that my parents could easily pay for a clone of a sperm wale, and then make it vomit to get more ambergris.

Anyway at work, Fry came late and said something about Bender half killing him but I said to threaten him about telling the people of Osiris 4.

We had pickle sandwiches for breakfast, when I was opening mine, the professor tried to take some of my blood. I threw my sandwich at him and his nose melted of.

He cloned another nose for himself and attached a laser gun too his chest while he was at it. But Leela cut it of when he accidentally fired it at nibbler.

Fry, Leela, and Bender had to deliver some toilet seats to Urectum.

Hermes power stapler stapled him to the roof but luckily; the professor spilled a box of glowing noses from his machine on it. I programmed it to work properly and then Hermes fell onto a barrel of toxic waste and then said it tasted like pudding. Bender, Fry and Leela had a delivery of petrol to Oxide, the gas planet and they destroyed the entire civilisation. Zoidberg got an evil extra head that ate up everything in the building, but the Professor took it of. Zoidberg gave me $20 for my toenail clippings he thought they were potato chips, but at least I got $20. I used it too by some raw meat that I chucked at it at Zoidberg's chicken lawyer at the social security office when I was paying them and he threw his fake hand at me. When I got back, Hazuzu ate up Zoidberg and me, Leela, Fry, Bender, and the Professor shrunk us to get him out. I slipped on some gunk in his lower intestine and landed on his appendix. Anyway, we got out all right and it was a pretty normal day.

Signed, Amy Wong.

One free Christmas light to anyone who reviews! (Maybe.)


	4. Diary of Professor Hubert J Farnsworth

Disclaimer; I do not own Futurama so don't sue or anything. This time I won the lotto hooray! (Then I lost it all in cockfights.)

Diary of Hubert J Farnsworth.

Dear Diary,

Today when I woke up, Death was holding a piece of paper up next to my bed. He had dreadlocks and also holding a stamp. I said that I wasn't going down without a fight and jabbed him with my finglonger. He ran away (you can't imagine how many times I have been attacked by death, once it came to me in the form of a bending unit robot demanding money). I gave out pickle sandwiches for breakfast, while Amy was unwrapping her sandwich; I cleverly tried to inject a syringe into her arm. She threw her pickle sandwich at me and my nose melted off. I could swear the sandwich was alright; it was only 107 years past its expiry date! I cloned myself a new nose and while I was at it, I attached a laser gun to my chest. It went off and nearly hit Nibbler so Leela cut it off. A waste of time I say! The people of Urectum called to order some fluffy toilet seats. I told Fry Leela and Bender to go. I accidentally pressed the auto button on Hermes' power stapler and it stapled him to the ceiling. I said that I'd get him down later and I started making glowing noses. But the box of noses fell on the stapler and the pressed down the button; the stapler stopped. Amy programmed the stapler to work properly and the staples holding Hermes fell of. He fell into a barrel of nuclear waste that was coming out of my machine and he liked the taste of it. He bought it off me for $30 (Ha! In his face). I received a message from the people of Oxide; the gas planet. They wanted a ton of petrol. While the crew were away, I went off to the supermarket to get my free money from the social security office. I borrowed Amy's new 'Eagle' car. I crashed into some hippies outside our building who were demanding to use my bathroom. They fell into a pile of bricks and got crushed. I dumped their corpses in the sewers where the mutants put them up and hailed them as the re-carnation of their god, an unexploded nuclear bomb. I bought a new type of memory ray with the $30 I got from Hermes. It was the special edition that could blank minds! When I got back to the office, Fry Leela and Bender were back and they were covered in ashes. They didn't seem to mind except Bender. The ashes clogged up his common sense unit and he went around singing country folk songs. He also started squashing my man-eating anteaters. Poor little guys, they didn't stand a chance against Bender, made of metal and all. I only have one left that luckily licked up the ashes that were in Bender's common sense unit. I tested the 'Memoray' on Nibbler but somehow he grabbed it and pointed it at me. Moron. Luckily the Memoray wasn't loaded and Nibbler just threw it at me. It broke my hip but nothing to serious. At the end of the day when I was dozing in my office, Death came to me this time in the form of a janitor who had his scythe cleverly disguised as a broom. He said; Scruffy's demanding a pay rise. I luckily shot the Memoray at him and he lost his mind. But for the killing of my nurse, I restored his memory and then ran for my life, as he demanded another pay rise. Anyway, it was a pretty normal day on Earth.

Professor Hubert J Farnsworth

Free lotto tickets (for lotto games that have already been finished and lost) to anyone who reviews!


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